P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize