Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
