Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
God, you're like boner-b-gone
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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