Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
So much rum. So many feels.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
