Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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