make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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