don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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