Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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