fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
