Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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