The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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