yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
