Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize