I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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