I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize