Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
