she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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