I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Need sex. Gaining weight.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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