Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
