there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
