I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
