I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
so much tequila, so little girl.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
