Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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