I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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