we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
