I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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