Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
