I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
