I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
