so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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