and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
