you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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