Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
