I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
MIDGETS
????
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
