Moan for me like Helen Keller
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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