I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
