I am spending my child support on dildos
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
is wine microwaveable?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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