the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
