I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
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You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
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She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
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