Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
