How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
