It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
