i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
