first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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