Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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