from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
When are your genitals available?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
