My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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