Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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