im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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