Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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