If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
