there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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