I'm lost and stupid without you.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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