so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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