I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Alive.
So much puke
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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