Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
