Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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