You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
